“Your kids wait in the car during dinner — the twins don’t like them,” my sister said at Mom’s birthday. Mom nodded. It was 30°F outside. I took my kids home. At 9 pm,

Then Brooke ruined it. “You’re deliberately trying to upset her, Rupert. Just leave.”

I pulled the heavy oak door open. The biting wind rushed into the warm foyer. “It’s thirty degrees out there. I would absolutely loathe for anyone in this  family to experience a moment of discomfort.”

We walked out into the biting chill, the heavy door clicking shut behind us.

We claimed a vinyl booth in the corner. Owen ordered a double bacon cheeseburger. Because, as far as I was concerned, being ostracized by your own bloodline legally qualified dessert as breakfast.

I didn’t order an entree.

At exactly 8:58 PM, we pulled into our driveway.

At 9:06 PM, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out. A text message from Mom.

The heat just stopped working. Call your guy.

I stared at the glowing pixels on the screen. I didn’t chuckle. I didn’t merely smile. A deep, seismic wave of laughter erupted from my chest.