How much had been love?

How much had been guilt?

Had he chosen me because he cared about me?

Or because he believed my grief made me the perfect person to take Lily?

“I think I finally understand why your dad chose me,” I whispered.

Lily looked up.

“But he didn’t.”

I frowned.

“What?”

“Dad didn’t choose you.”

She said it like it was obvious.

“I did.”

I stared at her.

“Lily, sweetheart, what do you mean?”

She played with the edge of her sleeve.

“It was before you married Dad. Before he even liked you like that.”

She explained that after I had been helping with her hair and sitting with her during Daniel’s treatments, she asked him a question.

“Daddy, is this what having a mommy feels like?”

I stopped breathing.

Lily continued.

“He asked what I meant.”

She shrugged.

“I told him you knew how I liked my hair. You remembered things I said. You helped when I got scared. You made sure I had things I needed.”

Then she looked straight at me.

“And you stayed.”

My eyes filled.

“What did your dad say?”

“He asked how I felt about you.”

“And?”

“I told him I wanted you to keep staying.”

She paused.

“I told Dad I wanted you.”

Then she smiled faintly.

“And he said he wanted you too.”

I covered my mouth.

Something inside me loosened.

I had been terrified that Daniel had selected me because I was a grieving mother with an empty place in my life.

But that wasn’t what happened.

Lily had begun choosing me long before Daniel’s secret connected our pasts.

And I had been choosing her too.

Every braid.

Every spelling test.

Every granola bar.

Every nightmare.

Every ordinary afternoon.

Daniel’s secret had existed beside our relationship.